"I saw His scars. No, He didn't try to hide them. He said, 'Come, and look inside them. They're a window to my heart..."

I was standing in the kitchen at the shelter...  For confidentiality reasons, I'll keep the details short on this one. Long story made simple?  Boiling water. Lots of it (enough for 12 kids worth of vegetables). Tense conversation. Anger...  Instant pain seared through my body as the water found its way onto my exposed wrist and forearm. I let out a primal scream that sent staff running to my aide... 

I got in my car, defeated...  "God," I cried outloud...  "Serious!?!?!??!!?  As if my pile of current emotional pain wasn't enough, You seriously thought it was necessary to heap some physical pain ontop of it all right now?"

"All things work together for good, sweet Child..."

"Psh...  A burn?  Really!?!!?  I don't get it, God...  I don't see how You intend to fulfill that promise through a lousy, unnecessary burn...  Enough already..."

I pulled out of the driveway. As I reached down to put the car in drive, I paused in utter shock. Ahead of me, all that could be seen was an open field, dark, beautiful rain clouds and the most vibrant rainbow I have ever seen...  Tears instantly filled my tired eyes and I bowed my head, silently whispering, "And you know with all your heart and sould that not one of the good promises the Lord your God has given you have failed... (Josh. 23:14)"

I still didn't understand how He was going to use something as stupid as a burn, bad as the burn was, but my heart swelled with an enormous peace, hand still frozen on the gear shift, as I stared at that rainbow until the vibrant colors disappeared into the dark sky...

This morning, my alarm clock brought with it the incredibly painful reminder of my burnt wrist and forearm as I reached to hit the snooze, brushing my skin against my blanket...  "Ugh!" I groaned...  "You're powerful enough to send lightning from Your very fist...  You couldn't help me out here by getting rid of this horribly swollen, painful, pussing mess?" 

"Trust me, Katie-beth..."

I thought about laying in bed for the rest of the day, but the snooze went off - reminding me I had 2 abstinence programs to be at in 15 minutes... I carefully pulled a sweatshirt over my arm, pushing the sleeve up to my elbow to keep the fabric from causing more pain and friction against the burn...  The result?  Leaving my horrifically scarred arm, now a brilliant red color, fully exposed. I headed on my way...

During the second program, I caught a girl gawking at my arm...  As the program rolled to an end, I asked if anyone had any questions...  Said girl raised her hand, being careful to hold onto her sleeve, so as not to expose any part of her hand, wrist or arms...  "What are the scars all over your arm?  They're really red..."

I smile softly, looked down at my arm and was slightly surprised myself at how powerfully the red made the scars stand out...

I sat there and shared my story, using my scars as a window to my heart...  As I spoke, I saw her pull her sleeve up, look at her arm, and pull the sleeve back down, hiding her arms underneath her desk...  I sat silent for awhile, waiting for her to look me in the eye...  "You are worth far more than you can even begin to conceive. You do not even begin to understand your value...  Please, please learn from my story...  Learn from my scars."  As she looked away, turning her eyes down to her hidden arms, I silently thanked God for a burn.

A burn that made my scars blarringly obvious... 

A burn that may have forever changed a young girls life...

"All things work for the good of those who love Me. Not all things are good...  But I will make good from it, my child. I have promised this..."

A tear escaped from my closed eyes and slipped silently down my cheek as I whispered, "And I know, with all my heart and soul that not ONE of the good promises You, my Lord and my God, have given me have failed..."

"I gotta keep singing...  I gotta keep praising Your name. You're the One who's keeping my heart beating..."

I started a post a few months ago with "I've started singing in the shower again..."

And now...  I can barely sing through the sobs. My heart hurts so badly. I never thought this was coming. What did I do wrong!!!?!?  What did I do to make him stop loving me?  And how do I fix it???

Update...

I still have nothing of incredible value to say or share...

I got attacked at work the other day by some psycho punk. Got some good battle wounds this time. This is the first time I've actually been scared in an attack situation. Probably had something to do with the fact that the kid and I were alone on the other end of the building. One of my boys heard me yelling and helped get him off of me and help me take him down to the ground. Awesome. I don't get paid enough for this...

Spent a few days in Clarks Summit with my fabulous boyfriend, my best friend and even squeezed in a lunch with my big sister. It was good times.

I drove through the snow and ice to get back to Harrisburg in time to have my back adjusted and scoot over to work to start a double...

I am exhausted all the time lately...  Yesterday's double was no exception. At about 9 o'clock, the Disney channel wasn't enough to keep my tired eyes awake and I drifted off into a nice sleep...  Only to wake up at 2:50am...  Same couch. Same position... A little more drool than at 9. And 3 missed texts and 3 phone calls from my boyfriend waiting for me on my phone... 

My mom is stinkin' awesome. Knowing I was working a double, and knowing I was tired, she fought incredibly well to wake me up in the middle of the night. She called four times. 2 of the messages were normal. 2 were not. Her first messaged graced me with the sound of her *lovely* voice singing, "Good morning to you...  Good morning to you...  You look rather drowsy. In fact, you look lousy..."  Ah...  The 2nd message again found her in her glorious voice singing, "Good morning to you...  Good morning to you..."  I've decided that her living as far away as you can go before starting to come back has worked out well for our relationship. :0)  Thanks for trying, Mom...  I did quite appreciate the efforts. I never thought I'd say this, but I prefer your singing in the morning to you turning on the lights in my room in an attempt to wake me... 

The messages made me smile. But did not keep me awake.

Figuring I had slept for a good 9 hours, I made a stop for a nice long work out at the gym this morning. I am constantly amazed at how the music you are listning to affects the energy you invest into the work out.

I came home to an incredibly clean apartment. I enjoy clean places. A lot.

I booked four weddings this weekend. This is happy. Right now, at least...  Until I have to edit pictures...  4 weddings a month is going to be a bust when it comes to the editing process...  Maybe I should quit my job and go into photography full time. Yes please.

Speaking of work...  My birthday is on Monday. And I have to work a double. Delightful... 

Have I been random enough?  I certainly hope so.

Maybe someday soon I'll have some intelligent thought processess to blog about. Until then? Well. Yeah.